June/July 2007
I was on to the second week of my stay in special care.I was doing a lot better as the antibiotics were treating the infection and id had my feed bags changed from lipids to glucose, my itching had subsided and i was gradually getting my normal colour back instead of looking like a character out of The Simpsons. My nurses were hoisting me out of bed everyday and i was managing to wash myself all be it with help but it was a huge difference to how i had been the last 4 months.That morning my surgeon and her team of junior doctors came to see me like they did everyday, her junior doctors were fantastic they had been by my side since the moment i got rushed in, if i ever need a chat about things or to get more information they were always there with a smile and always gave me the information i had needed. She had come to see how i was doing and suggested that i should up my intake from just ice chips to sips of water and even an icepop thrown in now and again, I was so excited at the thought of icepops that i got my nurse to phone my mum to ask her to bring me some. Once again the nurses were so good to me and told my mum that she could bring quite a few icepops and they would put them into the staffs freezer for me, even these little things made me so happy.There was a girl a little younger than me that had some sort of surgery but i didn’t ask what but she was going to be in the bed next to me for a few days, we had little chats but not in much depth as she was still recovering from surgery but we were both hoisted out of bed every morning into the recliner armchairs and i would offer her an icepop, for the first time in months i was sat up chatting and enjoying sucking on the ice it was lovely and so refreshing.I felt like i was getting somewhere in my battle and my mood lifted. After two weeks in special care i once again said goodbye to all the fantastic nurses and was moved back onto the surgical bowel ward, it was weird to go back there like i had been away from home, it was certainly feeling like home after living in there for 4 months.
I was put into my own room (the room i left only 2 weeks before) and i continued to make progress. I had lots of bed baths during my time in hospital but up to this point i hadn’t had a bath due to the wounds being open and me having a hickman line inserted etc but the nurses wanted me to have a bath so i agreed. I once again needed to be hoisted out of bed, wheeled to the bathroom and hoisted into the bath, i hated this feeling of helplessness, i never thought that by the age of 26 i would need someone to bathe me but i had to admit defeat, what seems like an everyday task to well people was a huge thing for me and it sucked the life out of me. I was glad to get put back into my bed and the nurses were great even blow drying and brushing my hair for me, i felt a bit low because i thought i was doing so well and in fact i was, but i was trying to do things a lot quicker than i was ready for. As the nurse brushed my hair i was watching it falling out, not big handfuls but it was very noticeable and got me worried, one of the junior doctors was on the ward and came to speak to me.His name was Mark he was so kind and polite, he sat by my bed and explained to me that through the mixture of the drugs i was on to treat the crohns (Azathioprine), the malnutrition and the pure trauma that my body had been through was the cause of me losing a little hair, he told me not to worry and it would eventually right itself. I went on to explain how low i was feeling because my body was so weak and my muscles had wasted away and that i didn’t know how i was ever going to get back to how i was, how could i even stand never mind walk when i had so little muscle, He disappeared for a few minutes and came back with what i can only describe as two huge rubber bands, he showed me how to use them to strengthen my muscles in my arms and legs as i was lay there in bed, i went on to do these exercises every day 3 times a day, it would hurt and exhaust me but i was determined to get well and be able to walk behind my best friend down the aisle as she got married.
The next couple of weeks flew by, we were into the end of July and the sun was shining into my window, everyday was the same routine of being woken, washed, medications, blood tests and feeds through my line but i was feeling a little better.My blurred vision had gone and i could stay awake for a couple of hours at a time.My mum came to visit me on this bright sunny day, she came in the afternoon and along with her she brought me a raggy doll, she had named it “hope” and she would be my mascot so when i was feeling low i had something to hold “holding onto Hope”. I couldn’t help but cry as my mum handed her to me, my mum was looking totally drained, she not only had me in hospital and so ill for such a long time but my Nan (my mum’s mum) was in a nursing home due to having severe Alzheimer’s, my mum was visiting us both all the time and worrying, i could see that she was tired and had lost weight but she refused to leave my side even for a day. The nurse came and asked if i would like to go in a wheelchair and my mum take me a ride around the hospital, my mum was delighted and wanted me to do it so i agreed.
The nurses hoisted me out of bed into the wheelchair and made me comfortable, i was nervous, i have no idea why but i tried to put my nerves to one side and enjoy my time with Mum. When we left the ward my mum asked if i would like to go to the canteen and have some sips of iced water, so that’s where we headed. It was bustling with people and it was then that it struck me that this was the first time in 16 weeks that i had been around “normal people” well apart from doctors and nurses that is. It’s a weird feeling to know that for the whole time that my life had stopped, life had gone on. People sitting ,chatting and laughing with their friends and family. The smell of food and just the whole hustle bustle of the place hit me hard. There were some patio doors that were open and lead to the outside garden where people were sat eating their lunch and chatting. I told my mum to get herself something to eat, she said that she felt uncomfortable because i couldn’t eat but i explained that i never thought of food and i was quite happy with my iced water. She got herself a sandwich and wheeled me into the garden, it was Amazing!! For the first time in months i could feel the warm sun hitting my face and the gentle breeze through my hair, i cant describe or put it into words.My mum sat on a bench and ate her sandwich as i sat in my wheelchair watching a little bird eating crumbs off the floor, for them 15 minutes i felt free, free from pain, doctors and suffering. This really was………. “A beautiful day”.
Thanks for taking the time to read my blogs guys, it really means the world to me.Theres lots more to come and i would love for you to continue to join me in my journey.
Keep Well My Friends, Big Hugs Georgie xxxx
June/July 2007
So yet again i found myself back in special care. I have to admit that i prefered it to being on a normal ward, i had my own nurse who was with me every second of everyday which was comforting and re-assuring, that’s not a bad reflection on the gastro ward but i felt more at ease being constantly monitored. I was extremely itchy all over which was caused through my liver not functioning well, of course i wasn’t meant to keep scratching but it was driving me mad, no matter how much i scratched the itch didn’t subside. I was still so very weak and couldn’t sit up in bed, of course all this time lying down wasn’t a good thing so the physios came to see me and were giving me breathing exercises to do that would keep my lungs working properly to prevent any further complications, i’m not going to lie i wanted them to shut up and leave me alone, i just wanted to sleep but i knew it was important. They were telling me to cough to release any mucous that was on my chest. Now for most people this would be a quite ordinary request and one that could be done without worry, but not for me, since my surgery 8 weeks ago i had avoided coughing, for two reasons, one because of the pain in my stomach from surgery and two because of the gaping wound in my stomach. My stomach was looking much better at this point and seemed to be closing well and with some reassurance i started to do the breathing exercises, i was totally shocked by how much this exhausted me, i mean i was only coughing and taking in deep breaths but it really took it out of me, it’s when you attempt to do the small things that you truly realize how bad you really are and what my body was going through.
I was assigned a nurse on the special care ward every morning, this particular day i had a male nurse, this was the first time i had been looked after by a male nurse so i felt a little overcome with embarrassment and the fact that he was a tall, dark, handsome man really didn’t help matters lol ( i’m not going to embarrass this nurse incase one day he comes across my blog so from now on i will refer to him as Al). He introduced himself and said he would be looking after me, it was the morning and i would be needing a bed bath, Al made me feel totally at ease and gave me all my dignity, he was kind and considerate and always had a smile. I was in a ward with 6 other people, male and female, most were recovering from surgery so the ward could seem very daunting and depressing at times.I went on to spend a lot of time with Al looking after me as the days he worked he would be assigned to look after me, it was great to wake up in the morning to a smiling face and most days he would put the radio on low so that i could lay and listen to music, it may seem such a small thing but them small things mean a whole lot when you’re lay in bed for weeks at a time.
after a few days had passed my surgeon suggested that i got out of bed, even if it was just to sit in a chair,Al explained to me that because i hadn’t bared any of my weight in the last 10 weeks that he would need to use a hoist to lift me out of the bed into a chair, he wheeled in this big armchair that reclined just like the one we had at home, i was shocked to see such a comfortable chair in hospital. My nerves kicked in, my palms were sweating and i felt my heart beginning to race, i was so used to being lay in bed that the thought of getting out of it filled me with fear.As im sat here typing this now i think to myself how stupid i must have looked and sounded, i wasnt being asked to do a bungee jump or climb a mountain i just simply needed to get out of bed and i wouldn’t need to stand i would be lifted, but my fear was overwhelming. Once again Al was very reassuring and told me that at any point i felt i couldn’t cope he would stop, it wasn’t my first time in a hoist, only a year ago i was put into one as part of my training in my job as a carer i never thought in my wildest dreams that just over a year later i would require one to get in and out of bed!! So Al and another fantastic nurse got me into the sling ready to be hoisted, they were cracking jokes and trying to keep me as relaxed as possible, i don’t think they even knew the importance of them being this way it came naturally to them but to me it meant everything. They attached me to the hoist and started to lift me off the bed, it was such a weird experience sitting upright for the first time in a long time, i got a bit of a dizzy head which was normal after laying down for so long, they lowered me into the armchair and made me comfortable, all the nurses were saying how proud of me they were for coming so far and that it was fantastic to finally see me sitting in a chair, i admit i was proud of myself, it was like the moment when a parent sees their child sit themselves up for the first time or take their very first step, i hoped this was my first step to feeling better.
Of course my surgeon made an appearance to congratulate me on such a big step, she as always had a big smile on her face and went on to tell me she had some more good news. After 13 weeks without a drop of water passing my lips she finally gave the go ahead for me to have some ice chips to suck, once again this might seem such a simple thing but for me it was huge!! I had laid for weeks and weeks dreaming of ice-cold water and i was finally going to get some. She went on to say that i was only allowed one ice chip an hour as she didn’t want me to over work things, i really didn’t care i was just filled with joy at the thought of ice. Al went to get a cup with a small amount of ice in it, this was it, the moment i had been waiting for, it felt amazing, of course it only lasted a matter of seconds but those few seconds were truly amazing, it was like id been handed a meal from a Michelin star chef , i can’t put into words how this moment in time felt, i felt truly blessed to be alive and to take the smallest amount of water orally instead of mechanically through a feeding tube.
After just an hour of sitting in the armchair i felt physically and mentally drained, i asked Al to put me back into bed which he did immediatley.My family came to visit and i gave them all the good news that i had, i was feeling so up beat and for once i felt alive, it might just be baby steps but i was heading in the right direction and i knew with the care and support from the nurses,doctors and of course my family i could get through this, i had a long long road to go to full recovery but i was on the right path…….Or was I??
I would like to dedicate this to all the nurses that looked after me and supported me through this time in my life and the ones who continue to support me through my journey with crohns. They truly are my Angels and i will forever be in debt to them, i would not be here without all your care, attention and understanding. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart.
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog guys, i hope you continue to read my future blogs on my fight with Crohns.
Keep Well Guys, Much Love Georgie xxxx
georgiewhitey 